Twisted Cinema

Saturday, November 18, 2006

The name is Blonde, James Blonde

"Look for the twitch, look for the twitch," cried M, who had now been defaced, de-passworded and left completely perplexed by the how-does-he-do-that, recently promoted, new 007, James Blonde. Between scowling, killing people and getting into Highly Unsophisticated Situations that were so not-Bond (Bond does not get caught like THAT!), Blonde goes on to The Mission for the movie... find True Love and prove to the world how he is human after all. And all this while we thought he was a superspy.

(a) the original 007s were Lady's men and now 00Craig is all for women's equality: surprisingly, despite the rather action-oriented, sex-loving-butt-kicking turn the Bond women had taken in the movies before Casino Royale, our current lady goes all demure, and fires on all cylinders, but only of the brain-cell powered kind.

(b) So does Craig work as the new 007? On a certain level — and given what he was asked to do — yes, we have a new Bond. Last night there was Octopussy on TV; and despite not being a Roger Moore fan, his Bond was the Bond I like: suave, charming, funny, loves his toys and knows his job well. Unlike 00Craig who has no sense of humour, we mentioned the embarrassing situations above, is impossibly gaunt and looks like a guerrila warrior in an Armani or Reid& Taylor or whoever-did-the-suits.

(c) Did someone say toys? While earlier Bonds have always had an array of supertech stuff to save the world with, 00Craig only has this ugly looking Samsung phone, which is this Master Key like thing that can get into any account, crack any password, locate got the picture. 00Craig even manages to break into M's secret files and all she says is, "How does he do it?" Funny, MI6 doesnt seem too bothered about sensitive information being compromised.

(d) Speaking of M, highly irritating to see her as this flustered woman. First reaction when you see the new M with 00Craig: Dude, the lady is too old for her job. And that's not a nice feeling; M is unflappable. Please keep her like that.

(e) Despite the fact that Bond falls for an Obviously Smart Female: they made her an accountant, she does not know how to shoot guns and even cries when she sees a dead body (and dude, can we have not have Macbeth and cant-get-the-blood-off-my-hands please?!) — it's sad that Casino Royale might actually push back whatever "liberation" the Bond girls had achieved. So all the progress that the Bond girls had made — their looks could kill and so could the chikas (Famke Janssen, Halle Berry, Michele Yeoh) — all comes back to naught. If you want Bad Boy Bonds to fall, you gotta be a lady. Sick.

(f) yea, yea, this was the original book and all that, but was I the only one who thought the movie was confused? Uganda, parkour (SEXY chase scene, why couldnt they keep that pace through the entire movie?), beaches to everywhere it still doesnt sit together. Just too much happening. And when Le Chiffre dies (the investment banker who wants to win huge sums of money to fund international terror), you feel that the movie wraps. The pace suddenly falls and the script flounders. That's also the time the director SUDDENLY decides to go in for the romantic overkill and loses his audience. He definitely lost me.

(g) Bond is a superspy, let him BE that. There are too many of us humans around. At least he wasn't boring!

00Craig to waiter: Vodka martini.
Waiter: Shaken or stirred?
00Craig: I dont really care.

I tell you 00Craig is a fraud. Where's my Bond?


Blogger Saket said...

arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Why do they have to do it to me no not my bond , but hey I gotta see it to belive it , Mebbe you are right but i wish you were not.

10:17 PM  
Blogger n0us said...

I think u overlooked one point. This was the first bond novel and hence the martini thing. This was the start of his career. He was shown to be becoming the man he was in his later novels.

9:09 AM  
Blogger taurius1 said...

I don't like the new bond either. >_< Noone does. None of the real fans of the movies, anyways. People who borrow opinions read The papers saying that Pierce Brosnan finds Craig to be good. No points for guessing that the public thinks of Craig now. :P

Borrowed music, borrowed scripts, borrowed opinions... Individuality is underrated here. :(

9:27 PM  
Blogger moonstruck maniac said...

not writing????
i have started my movie blog.

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